Today we celebrated my mom's 75th birthday with a surprise party. Her birthday was on September 13th so I've had a couple of weeks to think about this (about 50 years actually).
My mom fell in love with my dad when they were both very young. They got married and had kids. My mom grew up and accepted the responsibility while her husband (my dad) seemed determined to destroy himself and he wasn't too concerned about the collateral damage to his family. My mom kept plugging along, getting some help from her family, friends and government but doing the day to day worrying and drudgery on her own.
She worked as a nurse's aid, ironed other peoples clothes, babysat, negotiated with people that were owed money and stretched dollars farther than you would have thought they could be stretched. She then went to nursing school--and studied really, really hard, while continuing to do all the other things because her husband was still a mess and she was still the only support for her kids.
And while all of this had to be really hard, and tiresome, and sometimes seemingly impossible--the thing that makes it really incredible is that she did it without rancor or complaint. Without benefit of parenting books, classes, Oprah, Dr. Phil and all the other gurus of raising children, living your life, and other topics of pop psychology--my mom just did it. When things were bad with my dad, she would tell me to remember the good times and that he loved us very much. She didn't excuse him and she didn't talk bad about him. She loved him with a fierceness that enabled her to stay by his side long enough for him to overcome his self-destructive life and they got to have so many more good times.
She wasn't the type of parent who praised us for everything we did right because that would just be silliness--but we knew she was proud of us and loved us. I remember that once, for Christmas, she gave me a pair of leather ski mittens that I had really wanted. They cost about $20 which was expensive, so she told me that I had to use them for a long time. I kept and used them for about 25 years. I can't say I always listened to her that diligently but she did have a certain no-nonsense attitude that reinforced her words.
My mom is a little over five feet tall, has white hair, wire rimmed glasses and the kind face of kind person. She doesn't look like Hollywood's version of a superhero but she's been mine for a long time now. Don't mess with her--she'll either walk away because you're not worth the trouble or she'll stay and win because you are worth it, like she did with us.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
the Fun of Statistics
According to a Gallup Poll thirty-eight percent of Americans report that they believe it is morally wrong to engage in premarital intercourse. However, depending on which study you use, 90-95% of people have sex before they get married.
For some kind of juvenile reason, I love these kind of statistics.
Another favorite is that the Red Sates (aka Republican, protector of family values) have the highest rates of on-line pornography usage. How can that not make you chuckle?
And divorce rates are highest in conservative Fundamentalist churches (where the women obey the men etc...!)
And Utah has one of the highest rates of white collar crime--because the Mormons trust other Mormons so much --but apparently some of them aren't as honest as the clean cut image would have you believe.
When the "high and mighty" or self-appointed judges of the rest of us fall short--it makes me happy. I want to say, "nana, nana booboo".
But, I'd hate to seem less mature than my 50 plus years should have made me. Josh Billings, a humorist and writer, second only to Mark Twain in the late 1800's, wrote "I don't never have any trouble in regulating my own conduct, but to keep other folks' straight is what bothers me." Clearly, Mr. Billings could have been talking about me and a lot of other people. Still, makes me chuckle but I'm aiming for a more mature sounding chuckle.
For some kind of juvenile reason, I love these kind of statistics.
Another favorite is that the Red Sates (aka Republican, protector of family values) have the highest rates of on-line pornography usage. How can that not make you chuckle?
And divorce rates are highest in conservative Fundamentalist churches (where the women obey the men etc...!)
And Utah has one of the highest rates of white collar crime--because the Mormons trust other Mormons so much --but apparently some of them aren't as honest as the clean cut image would have you believe.
When the "high and mighty" or self-appointed judges of the rest of us fall short--it makes me happy. I want to say, "nana, nana booboo".
But, I'd hate to seem less mature than my 50 plus years should have made me. Josh Billings, a humorist and writer, second only to Mark Twain in the late 1800's, wrote "I don't never have any trouble in regulating my own conduct, but to keep other folks' straight is what bothers me." Clearly, Mr. Billings could have been talking about me and a lot of other people. Still, makes me chuckle but I'm aiming for a more mature sounding chuckle.
the DREAM Act
Lately I've been thinking a lot about immigrants--mainly people who come from Mexico. I just finished a book, "Just Like Us" by Helen Thorpe. The author followed four Mexican teenage girls through their senior year of high school and then through four years of college. Two of the girls were in the US legally and two were not, though they had been here for most of their lives.
The book was excellent in identifying how complicated an issue this is. In the girl's families, it wasn't unusual for some of their siblings to be American citizens; for a parent to be deported--leaving the children here in turmoil; to graduate at the top of your class yet not be eligible for any scholarship or financial aid; not be able to fly on any commercial airline or rent a car or rent a movie or get a fishing license or anything else that requires a state issued ID--the list goes on and on.
What really struck me is that these girls excelled in school, they were accepted for admission to University of Denver (not an easy school to get into) and the three that went there graduated in four years (the fourth girl went to a different university)--but the two that are here illegally now have very few options.
These girls were both brought here illegally by one or both of their parents as small children and have been here since. But as the law stands now there is no way for them to become citizens. Congress is considering a bill that addresses this--it is called the DREAM Act. It provides a path for citizenship for aliens that were brought here as minors, have been here for five or more continuous years, have graduated from high school (or GED), have good moral character and have completed at least two years in higher education or armed forces.
DREAM stands for Development, Relief and Education for Alien Minors Act. I don't know how to address all the issues of immigration--but I do think this is a step in the right direction.
The book was excellent in identifying how complicated an issue this is. In the girl's families, it wasn't unusual for some of their siblings to be American citizens; for a parent to be deported--leaving the children here in turmoil; to graduate at the top of your class yet not be eligible for any scholarship or financial aid; not be able to fly on any commercial airline or rent a car or rent a movie or get a fishing license or anything else that requires a state issued ID--the list goes on and on.
What really struck me is that these girls excelled in school, they were accepted for admission to University of Denver (not an easy school to get into) and the three that went there graduated in four years (the fourth girl went to a different university)--but the two that are here illegally now have very few options.
These girls were both brought here illegally by one or both of their parents as small children and have been here since. But as the law stands now there is no way for them to become citizens. Congress is considering a bill that addresses this--it is called the DREAM Act. It provides a path for citizenship for aliens that were brought here as minors, have been here for five or more continuous years, have graduated from high school (or GED), have good moral character and have completed at least two years in higher education or armed forces.
DREAM stands for Development, Relief and Education for Alien Minors Act. I don't know how to address all the issues of immigration--but I do think this is a step in the right direction.
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