The Seven Year Old List

In 2007 I made a list of things to get done around the house--our current house. In its entirety, the list had six items on it, as follows:

1. fix stucco
2. fix brick in front
3. paint foyer
4. clean carpets and rugs
5. remove mildew and paint basement
6. clean attic

Six years later, I have crossed off one item, number four. We have paid someone else to clean the carpets and rugs (a few times). Either this is a list of herculean proportions that no one in their right mind could finish in six years or I am the laziest home owner in Red Wing.

I've met people that accomplish this much stuff in a weekend and still do laundry and cook their own food. You might be tempted to think that I've accomplished other things that have put me off the above list--perhaps another more global list:

1. achieve inner peace
2. achieve world peace

But, clearly, I haven't done that either.

So what have I been doing these past six years? Well, in my defense, I think a person shouldn't hurry up their laundry and their cooking all in one weekend--life is too short, spread it out over two weekends, heck, take a month. Then there's the kitchen clean up, the reading of the paper, putting gas in the car and work. All in all, the time has flown. Oh yeah, and throw in a heck of a lot of good times with family and friends, so many good books and music and a bit of dancing and traveling.

The house is still standing and who knows, we'll probably knock another thing off the list in the next six years

my Superhero

Today we celebrated my mom's 75th birthday with a surprise party. Her birthday was on September 13th so I've had a couple of weeks to think about this (about 50 years actually).

My mom fell in love with my dad when they were both very young. They got married and had kids. My mom grew up and accepted the responsibility while her husband (my dad) seemed determined to destroy himself and he wasn't too concerned about the collateral damage to his family. My mom kept plugging along, getting some help from her family, friends and government but doing the day to day worrying and drudgery on her own.

She worked as a nurse's aid, ironed other peoples clothes, babysat, negotiated with people that were owed money and stretched dollars farther than you would have thought they could be stretched. She then went to nursing school--and studied really, really hard, while continuing to do all the other things because her husband was still a mess and she was still the only support for her kids.

And while all of this had to be really hard, and tiresome, and sometimes seemingly impossible--the thing that makes it really incredible is that she did it without rancor or complaint. Without benefit of parenting books, classes, Oprah, Dr. Phil and all the other gurus of raising children, living your life, and other topics of pop psychology--my mom just did it. When things were bad with my dad, she would tell me to remember the good times and that he loved us very much. She didn't excuse him and she didn't talk bad about him. She loved him with a fierceness that enabled her to stay by his side long enough for him to overcome his self-destructive life and they got to have so many more good times.

She wasn't the type of parent who praised us for everything we did right because that would just be silliness--but we knew she was proud of us and loved us. I remember that once, for Christmas, she gave me a pair of leather ski mittens that I had really wanted. They cost about $20 which was expensive, so she told me that I had to use them for a long time. I kept and used them for about 25 years. I can't say I always listened to her that diligently but she did have a certain no-nonsense attitude that reinforced her words.

My mom is a little over five feet tall, has white hair, wire rimmed glasses and the kind face of kind person. She doesn't look like Hollywood's version of a superhero but she's been mine for a long time now. Don't mess with her--she'll either walk away because you're not worth the trouble or she'll stay and win because you are worth it, like she did with us.