Reminder to myself...

 It's been an interesting few months.  Covid, toilet paper shortages, a presdential election, stay at home orders, healthy friends dying, continual sniping at others on social media and TV, and on and on. 

My family has been fortunate through all of this--no virus (yet), continued financial resources, and more than adequate housing and necessities.  With extreme gratitude on one hand, on the other hand, I'm also aware of a constant low level of strain or disquiet. 

As with most people, we can't see our friends and family as we'd like.  We can't escape the contentiousness of the election and its aftermath.  We worry that we'll be an inadvertent carrier of Covid and/or that we'll contract it ourselves.  We need to run to the grocery store or the hardware store or anywhere but we have to weigh the real need as opposed to greater exposure.  

On the other hand, life gets a little less cluttered when you're forced to rein in your activities.  There is a bit more time for enjoying your current circumstances, taking stock of the life you've been living, being appreciative of the chance to connect with others when before it was taken for granted.  

As we move into winter, I'm worried that the holiday season and the cold will make people feel more isolated.  More people will be miserably sick and more will die.  There will be less sunshine, literally and figuratively, and just as more effort is needed to be happy, it is more difficult to summon the energy.

Of course, all the worries I have in general, I have for myself specifically too.  I'm aware of how lucky/blessed I've been and I'm aware of how my natural winter depression will make it tough to remember that.  I guess I'm writing this to remind myself.  

Quicksand, badgers and tacks

Childhood fears are common and unique to each of us.  One of the ironies of growing up in a safe neighborhood and secure family is that our fears tend to be a bit silly in retrospect.

You've maybe seen the meme that says, "When I was a kid, I thought quicksand was going to be a much bigger problem than it turned out to be."  It must have been all those Tarzan movies, maybe Gilligan's Island.  The quicksand was always cleverly hidden and waiting to foil the escape of the bad guy or provide a chance for the hero to rescue someone.

The scariest things in my childhood were badgers (not the University of Wisconsin kind) and stepping on tacks.  I haven't encountered either as an adult but I'm sure its only because I've been on alert for about 50 years now.  My vigilance started after it was rumored that a badger was seen in the neighborhood and one of the kids I was with told us that a badger could bite off a person's leg.  I think it was the same summer I stepped on a tack and I can still feel it going into the bottom of my foot.  It wasn't very painful but it was such a weird feeling it makes me grimace to think of it even now.

I'm relaxing a bit about the badgers now but still wear sturdy soled shoes.  No sense taking chances this late in the game.  

10 Lessons from a Road Trip

In the fall of 2018 I went on a long road trip. It lasted six weeks and covered a little over 8,000 miles. I learned a few things and feel compelled to share them.

1. I listened to over 10,000 songs. My thought is that no song needs to be more than three and a half minutes long. Maybe four minutes if you're writing the next "American Pie" or "Bohemian Rhapsody" But really, most songs rely on repetition after the two minute mark, and repeating it once is enough. Would you like me to repeat this paragraph 3 or 4 times. Nope, I didn't think so--songwriter's take note.

2. Pack snacks you like, not one's you think you should eat. That way, you won't have to throw out those slimy carrots or those inedible rice cakes.

3. If you're in Nevada, get gas and go to the bathroom when you have a chance.

4. People are kind, people are weird, people will smile in return, people like to help. Maybe I just got lucky and only met the best of the best--but to a person, everyone I met and interacted with, was polite and kind. They smiled back when I smiled at them. A few went out of their way to be helpful to me. Several brightened my day with their comments and talk. I'm not denying that there are some people who cause mayhem and violence and bad feelings--but my experience didn't include that.

5. The national parks are amazing and surely one of this nation's greatest treasures--individually and collectively. I made it to about 20 national parks and each one was well run, uniquely beautiful and sometimes breathtaking. I rarely ventured in past the roads there than short hikes and still was impressed with each one.

6. I loved my time alone, loved, loved, loved it but I was well aware that I had people at home waiting for my return. Being alone when you know you have someone to come home to makes all the difference.

7. GPS is great but sometimes you just have to look at a paper map to get a sense of where you are. And where you want to go.

8. Go your own speed--whether you're hiking, at a museum, eating alone in a restaurant, or driving on the LA freeways for the first time. Go your own speed and don't worry about what anyone will think.

9. Sometimes you're better off putting your camera/phone down and just looking.

10. Don't worry about how you look, I promise, someone will always look better and someone will always look worse. It just doesn't matter that much.

"Everybody Lies" the book about data

"Everybody Lies" is the title of a recent book by Seth Stephens-Davidowitz. The subtitle is "Big Data, New Data and What the Internet Can Tell Us About Who We Really Are". It's a quick and easy read and I found the subject fascinating both for the voyeuristic content as well as the implications and uses for the future of data analysis.

Stephens-Davidowitz analyzes massive amounts of data that he pulls from internet usage, primarily what people search for, and compares it with other databases. For example, he looked at how many people report they use condoms with the number of condoms sold. (There are far fewer condoms sold than people reporting they use them) He has a lot of examples like that, hence the title of the book.

What was particularly interesting to me was the rise and fall of specific searches after events. After the shooting in San Bernardino in December, 2015 the number of searches related to Muslims and negative words (words indicating harm, hate or revenge, terrorists, extremists)spiked. And then President Obama spoke about the attack in what was a well regarded message reminding Americans that this event did not mean Muslims were bad and exhorting us to treat each other fairly. The negative searches about Muslims spiked again. A couple of months later Obama spoke again but this time talked about Muslim Americans who were firefighters, doctors, soldiers and teachers. This time there was no increase in searches for negative terms regarding Muslims and in fact there was a spike in positive or neutral searches regarding Muslims.

The author explains this, "When we lecture angry people, the search data implies that their fury can grow. But subtly provoking people's curiosity, giving new information, and offering new images of the group that is stoking their rage may turn their thoughts in different, more positive directions."

This is important, especially as we confront people with radically different ideas than ours. There is too much violence, in word and deed, already. This is a better way to bridge the divide.

Breeder????

My hearing is not the best, well actually, it's pretty lousy.

So, situations occur...like the other day, I was being introduced to a woman. She said, "Oh, I've heard about you, you're quite the breeder". I thought it was an odd thing to say but that is what I heard so I responded, with a bit of a laugh, "Well, we do have four children, but I'm not sure I qualify as much of a breeder." My husband and the friend making the introductions were saying "No, reader, reader--not breeder" while the lady was looking at me like I was nuts. And my daughter, who is ever so sensitive to social miscues, just walked away shaking her head.

Sometimes I have whole conversations with people and haven't heard anything they said. This can be construed as laziness on my part but you can only say, "what" or "I can't hear you" so many times. In some situations, I do get lazy about trying to listen. This especially happens if I'm at a public event and I can't hear the speaker. I just quit trying and go off into my own thoughts. I find I also do this when I'm in a group of people and there are a lot of cross conversations.

One of my concerns is that when that as hearing becomes more difficult, I retreat more into my own world because its easier. I don't ask people to speak up, I don't fight to be "heard", I tire of trying to hear.

None of this is written to elicit any pity---I don't feel bad about it except that it precludes working as a private investigator or spy--both of which I've thought would be fun. Its hard to get good intel when you can't hear what the bad guys are saying.

The Grammy's of 2017

The outfits were too skimpy, too sparkly, too revealing, too oddly colorful, too outlandish--
what happened to just looking nice, wearing your good dress up clothes and not simply going for the outrageous look.

I can't really comment on the music as that, for the most part, left me behind two decades ago. Certainly many of the performers are talented but I can't listen to the music they make without cringing. That even goes for the new country stars--it all sounds so whiny to me. And this from someone who likes country music.

Some of the songs went on and on and on and I couldn't decipher a single word being said. Apparently several were political in tone but you couldn't prove it by me. Beyonce's thing was overblown and heavy on theatrics, less on music but the critics apparently loved it. I didn't get it.

Sometimes I feel more like an old fuddy dud than usual. And truly, while watching the Grammy Awards, I exhibited every caricature of a stuffed shirt. I tsk'd, I harrumphed, I snorted my derision, and I crowed repeatedly to my son how much better music was in "my day". I lifted my ear horn and squinted at the screen for almost two of the four hours of the show and then had had enough. Off I went to put on my nightcap and soothe myself with a little Johnny Cash. How did I get so old?

Hope in these times

For some of us, it's been tough to stay hopeful in these political times.

The rancor of the long campaign, the fear of the continued inability of congress to work together, the ongoing stoking of fear of people who practice a different religion (or none) or who weren't born here or have a different color of skin--all these weigh us down. The maddening rantings of the political commentators on both sides tire us out. Even the people who are happy with the election results continue to be angry. It can make a person want to take a Rip Van Winkle length nap.

But, I think politics are inevitable and important. I think democracy (or a republic as we have) is a superior form of government. I think these tough times are a natural part of the cycle of all societies. Our fortune in the United States is that the cycles are relatively short--our good times come around more often and our bad times don't last for decades. Sometimes when things are dark, it can be helpful to take a longer view.

These words from Melville's Moby Dick are as relevant today as when written in 1856.

"Take shelter from the storm; stay not too long in the sun. Prayer is the shelter from despair; good work for others is the obligation of joy at home."